Getting to the Point with Tom

So...I saw Tom again last night. I texted him after work and asked him what he was doing and he said "at a friend's house, but leaving soon. What are you doing?" And I write back "packing" and he wrote back "need help?" So he came over. There was no kiss...again. But, earlier yesterday I started an email trail with him. See below.

I was just wondering, out of curiosity, if you ever think about kissing me again?

To answer your question…

Yes I have thought about kissing you…why wouldn’t I??! The problem is that I enjoy our relationship as friends right now and I don’t want to get hurt, but most importantly I do not want you to get hurt…if I/we continue to do so I am afraid that we will not end up as friends and that scares me because I don’t want to lose that. I have been through a lot over the past months and throughout my life and I am not quite ready to get into another committed relationship with you or anyone else right now. I don’t want to lead you on and hurt you so that is why I have taken a step back. It has nothing to do with you, and I hope that you know that…I enjoy spending time with you and hanging out and getting to know you better and better, but I am not ready to go to a next level. Understand where I am coming from? My biggest concern is ruining what we have right now and I do not want to let that happen!!!! I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know you a little more everyday and I hope that continues and I hope that you enjoy it as well.

Ps. You are a good kisser though!

I do. I think we’re very much on the same page at this point. I can’t say that I want things to be more serious between us, but I also don’t think I can say that I definitely don’t want that. We’ve drawn a very fine line and I also don’t want to ruin the friendship that we’ve developed, but sometimes it feels like more than that. That we’re more than just friends – not sure what though. I guess I worry that the more time we spend together the more difficult it will be if one of us starts dating someone else. I tend to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet and I know that’s a waste of energy so I will try not to so much. But this is kind of weird for me. I’ve never had a friend like you who I wasn’t hooking up with and in a way that adds a completely different level of complexity to the situation.

I am glad that you think we are on the same page. I understand the whole “sometimes it feels like more than that.” I wouldn’t worry about what hasn’t happened like you said, and I would just let things happen if they are meant to happen, you know? I know that is difficult sometimes, but we are both mature and have understanding of many different situations, and I believe that being friends first is what will make a relationship (either a committed relationship or a friendship relationship) last forever.

Pandora's Box

Sooooo, where shall i begin....well why don't I just start instead. Me and the X began communicado again, this time through email.

Interesting, when i was a little girl and yearned to express myself to someone who could understand, i didn't imagine a keyboard being involved. But it was probabbly better than the awkward silence/inappropriate smiling I do when I'm nervous.

I'm not sure how to proceed here. I don't want to get his hopes up, but it was a good exchange. I'm scared though that seeking closure will only open the flood gates of hell, and a perfect storm will start brewing. We got all the ingredients for one. We decided we shouldn't meet up, but it was ironic how we both wanted to but agreed this may be bad since everything he sees already reminds him of me, tv shows, movies, songs, my car type. lol, he even said he can't listen to Counting Crows anymore.

Shitdamnmotherfucker. It's a bitch that we can't all be one-dimensional characters. Things would be so much simpler if people were that callous.

My first post

Well, here goes it... We did it -our antics are now exposed to the world. I believe our next steps are to assign pen names (I've chosen mine - Kiley- in honor of one of my most fave bands).

I've decided not to do much work today. Focusing more on my personal life - what else is new right? Do you like my poll? I would like to start a little game where we bet on who will be the next musketeer to have a roll in the hay- sound good? Now tell me your names and I'll make my bet.

In my next post I'll tell you about my evening. It involves a boy of course - the usual boy...still thinking of a name for him at this point - one that won't confuse you...